


an age to remember

by petrichor (thereisnoreality)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Background Wonwoo/Seungkwan, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 09:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14734581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnoreality/pseuds/petrichor
Summary: In many ways, Jeonghan is the main reason that Soonyoung had stayed sane in Hogwarts.





	an age to remember

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in a very very long time and certainly my first fic in kpop. My writing is bound to be a bit rusty but I figured if there was ever a way to force myself back into writing it would be this challenge. Written for svtbigbang2018

In many ways, Jeonghan is the main reason that Soonyoung had stayed sane in Hogwarts. Ironic, considering how many maddened confessions Jeonghan received in a week, ranging anywhere from burly seventh year Quidditch players with scowls that threatened a dangerous end to the conversation if the proper response was not said, to starry eyed first years who followed him around in the hopes of simply catching a smile directed their way. 

 

Their first meeting had gone something like this: 

 

Soonyoung had been dropped off by his parents at Incheon International Airport at eleven and a half years old, his mom wiping his tears away with a light blue handkerchief before handing him over to a very pretty woman in a long navy coat and long black hair. 

 

(“You’ll be my brave boy, won’t you Soonyoung-ah?” His mother said trying her best to smile at him, tucking the handkerchief away and bending down to hug him. 

 

“Why can’t I just go to school here?” Soonyoung cried, clinging onto her tightly, not caring if anyone saw him crying like a baby. “I promise I’ll be good! I won’t ever try to make Hoshi fly again!”

 

His mother choked out a teary laugh. “I’m afraid that’s not something that’s under your control, darling,” she said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.)

 

Joohyun had entertained all of Soonyoung’s silent tears through the stuffy flight to London, his nonstop questions through arrival gates, and his sobs once again as she had dropped him off at the train destined to take him to his new school. 

 

“Why can’t you just take me with you?” Soonyoung had demanded up at her, ruddy cheeks stiff from his dried tears. “You’re my teacher aren’t you?”

 

“It’s a tradition to take the train to Hogwarts, Soonyoung. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll make plenty of friends.” Joohyun had smiled sweetly at him settling him into a train carriage and leaving, but not before handing him the same blue handkerchief his mother had used in Korea. It was so far away, Soonyoung thought desperately, staring out at the crowded platform, families milling around and pressing kisses to scrunched up faces. Another fresh wave of tears welled up, and Soonyoung pressed his face into Hoshi’s carrier and tried not to sob out loud. 

 

“Is there anyone sitting here?” A voice asked gently from outside, and Soonyoung started, goggling at the open door through teary eyes. 

 

At a eleven and half years old, Soonyoung could say that with the utmost certainty that Jeonghan was the most wonderful person he’d ever met (except maybe his mom). This was probably also conceived due to the fact that Jeonghan had sat with him through the entire train ride and answered all of Soonyoung’s questions about Hogwarts and magic with as much wisdom as a twelve year could, stuttering awkwardly through his rusty Korean, and had bought him snacks from the trolley when Soonyoung’s stomach grumbled embarrassingly. 

 

“Are you still afraid?” Jeonghan had asked quietly under the noise of his friends rummaging around for their robes as Soonyoung pressed his nose up against the window eyes wide at the sight of Hogwarts coming into view. 

 

“A little.” Soonyoung admitted, and immediately had hated himself. He didn’t want to seem so scared in front of Jeonghan, not after the second year had done so much to help him. But the idea of having to navigate a new school, struggle with a new language, learn magic (magic!), so far away from home, was scary. 

 

“That’s okay,” Jeonghan smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “You can ask me for help anytime, ok Soonie?” Soonyoung nodded rapidly, smile overtaking his face for the first time in what felt like days. 

 

After Soonyoung had sat down at the Slytherin table, applause thunderous in his ears, his legs shaky, Jeonghan had leaned over the table smiling proudly at him. 

 

“You’re in the best house there is, Soonie,” He said cheerfully, clapping along for the next sorting. “You afraid now?”

 

“No,” Soonyoung said shakily, the unfamiliar English words tripping out clumsily. “You’re going to be here for me, aren’t you, hyung?”

 

Jeonghan watched him for a beat before smiling and ruffling his hair gently. Soonyoung grinned at him, relieved and turned back to the front of the hall, heart beating in time with the cheering surrounding him.

  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is twelve when he learns that Jeonghan is a Veela. 

 

“Half-veela,” Seungkwan corrects him, thumbing disinterestedly through a large volume over rudimentary charms. “Everyone in school knows, it’s not like he keeps it a secret.”

 

“What is - what does that mean?” Soonyoung asks trying his best not to flush. He hates seeming like a ignorant Muggle, but there was just some things that his classes did not teach him - how to recognise trick stair cases for one, or how to stop being shocked every time a portrait moved in his direction. 

 

“Veela are like, uh..” Seungkwan screws his face up clearly thinking. 

 

“They’re like sirens, in a way,” Wonwoo says softly, still bent over his notes. Soonyoung scrunches his nose up at him. Wonwoo, being half-blood could relate a lot of obscure magical words to similar Muggle counterparts, but sometimes even his references flew over Soonyoung’s head. 

 

“It means a lot of people like,  _ like  _ him,” Seungkwan adds, his voice dropping to a hush as their librarian rounds the corner, already glowering at him. “A  _ lot. _ ”

 

Soonyoung doesn’t even know about how to being parsing that statement. Of course people like Jeonghan, who wouldn’t? Jeonghan is incredible, he’s nice to Soonyoung and always gives him candy from Hogsmeade, and corrects his English without making fun of him, and without him Soonyoung would probably still be the same blubbery mess he had been on his first day. 

 

“That’s not a very good explanation of what a Veela is.” Wonwoo points out and Seungkwan huffs at him. 

 

“Why don’t you explain it then?” He says irritably, looking back down at his reading apparently determined to ignore the two of them. 

 

Soonyoung catches a fond look cross over Wonwoo’s face as he briefly glances at Seungkwan, before turning to Soonyoung. 

 

“There’s a lot of books on Veelas, and we are in a library.” Wonwoo says going back to his reading, clearly done with prolonged social interaction as Seungkwan was now ignoring him. “Do some research.”

  
  
  


_ Despite sharing a similar name, the semi-magical humanoids share no resemblance to the Vila, a supernatural being primarily found in the northwestern forests of Ukraine and Russia. The Veela are… _ Soonyoung bookmarks the page and rubs his eyes. His whole body feels stiff and his head feels heavy. His stomach grumbles irritably alerting him to the knowledge that it’s way past dinnertime and he wishes he’d remembered to bring the watch his father had given for his birthday with him. Clocks were scarcely found around Hogwarts for some reason. Soonyoung groans a little and stretches backwards, leaning over the back of his chair, mentally mapping out his route back to the Slytherin dormitory so as to avoid all the Prefects. 

 

“Soonie?” Soonyoung nearly topples over in his chair with a yelp. 

 

“Jeonghan hyung!” Soonyoung gasps righting himself, heart desperately trying to return to it’s normal pattern. “You scared the hell out of me.”

 

“What are you doing out so late? It’s nearly curfew.” Jeonghan frowns moving into the light, eyes taking in the messy table. Seungkwan and Wonwoo had left hours earlier, bickering as they left, and Soonyoung had taken advantage of their absence, spreading his homework and several books ranging from the history of Veelas to in depth studies about their biology - which had left Soonyoung blushing horribly as he shoved the book under a pile to be returned discreetly later - all over the table. 

 

“What is all this?” Jeonghan asks in amusement, flipping the book Soonyoung had been reading over to read the cover. 

 

“Ah,” Soonyoung says faltering, turning red. He furiously prays Jeonghan won’t find the more incrimiating books Soonyoung had found. “I was just  - uh - getting ahead? In my studies.”

 

“Is that so?” Jeonghan says smirking looking down at Soonyoung through narrowed eyes.

 

“Yes?” Soonyoung squeaks. “I have - uh Learning about Magical Creatures next year, and I wanted to start learning early.”

 

“It’s September.” Jeonghan says, still smirking, but he waves his wand so that Soonyoung’s books and homework neatly collect into two piles. “And it’s Care of Magical Creatures. No Veelas involved there.”

 

Soonyoung slumps a little, resigned to the teasing that he knows will follow. First year Soonyoung may have thought that Jeonghan was an angel, but he knows better now. “I just wanted to learn about hyung. Seungkwan mentioned it and I didn’t want to seem stupid.”

 

Jeonghan’s face softens a little, not that Soonyoung notices. He’s staring down at the ground, shoe poking into the rivets of the marble floor, cheeks still red. “You could have come to me, Soonie.” Jeonghan says sending the books to front desk with a flick of his wand. “I don’t mind your questions, I’ve told you that many times.”

 

“I didn’t want to sound dumb.” Soonyoung repeats mulishly, looking up as Jeonghan waves his schoolwork into his bag and motions for Soonyoung to follow him out of the library. Jeonghan may say that he doesn’t mind but Soonyoung is sure he has better things to do than entertain Soonyoung’s continuous questions. 

 

“I’m never going to think you’re dumb, Soonie,” Jeonghan says affectionately, fingers carding through his hair briefly. “Did you learn a lot though?”

 

“Too much,” Soonyoung blurts, blush coming back with a vengeance. “More than I wanted to know.” 

 

Jeonghan snorts. “That’s what you get for sneaking books out from the Restricted Section, don’t think I didn’t notice.” 

 

Soonyoung trips over nothing, and Jeonghan easily catches him, an evil smile still on his face. “Hyung.” He whines, not above using a cute voice when it comes to getting out of trouble with Jeonghan. “I’m sorry, I’ll ask you for everything from now on, ok?”

 

“That’s exactly what I want to hear.” Jeonghan says satisfied. “But if you think I’m not using this as blackmail forever, you’re sorely mistaken Soonie.”

  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is twelve and a quarter years old when he gets accepted onto the Quidditch team. It’s a monumental achievement to him, because this means that he finally,  _ finally  _ is becoming a proper wizard. He becomes a Beater and there’s something so satisfying about spending hours soaring above the pitch slamming his bat into violent, animated balls until he can’t lift his arms anymore. 

 

Wonwoo tries out with him and is visibly relieved when he isn’t accepted. 

 

“It’d would have been so cool if we were on the team together, Nonu,” Soonyoung whines, flopping over on the couch resting his head on Wonwoo’s thigh. “Now who am I going to talk to during practice?”

 

“I’m glad I didn’t make it,” Wonwoo says. “The thought of practice three days a week for several hours,” he wrinkles his nose, “does not sound appealing. And anyway, we wouldn’t have even seen each other. Different houses have different practice times.”

“Why did you try out then?” Soonyoung asks cheekily, though he already suspects the answer. Seungkwan had been chosen as the commentator for the games that season and Wonwoo, being the epitome of subtlety, had jumped to try out when he’d heard the news. As if he knew they were talking about him, the door to the Ravenclaw common room opens and Seungkwan wanders in looking visibly annoyed. Wonwoo immediately straightens and pushes Soonyoung’s head off him, grabbing a book at random and ducking his head, cheeks flushing pink. Soonyoung sits up rolling his eyes, and moves over so Seungkwan can squeeze in between them, relishing the way Wonwoo’s body locks up when Seungkwan slumps his head on his shoulder. 

 

“I’m so tired,” Seungkwan sighs. “Second year isn’t supposed to be this hard, how are we supposed to survive another five years.”

 

“You still struggling with that Charms essay?” Soonyoung asks sympathetically.

 

Seungkwan nods, eyes closed, still resting on Wonwoo’s shoulder. “I’ve been working on it for a week straight and it’s due in two days and it still sucks.” 

 

“Ask Nonu,” Soonyoung says cheekily, grinning widely when Wonwoo shoots him a glare over Seungkwan’s head. “He has a lot of free time now that he’s not going to be practicing for Quidditch with me.” 

 

“It’s not like you’d have practiced together,” Seungkwan snorts, but sits up turning to Wonwoo. “I’m sorry you didn’t get in Wonwoo,” he says sincerely, hand coming to rest on Wonwoo’s thigh. Soonyoung stifles a snort at the way Wonwoo’s cheeks flood red. “You would have made a good player.”

 

“It - it’s okay,” Wonwoo stutters. “I’m not all that broken up about it, honestly.”

 

Seungkwan nods staunchly. “Neither should you be. It’s their loss.” He punctuates each word with a pat on Wonwoo’s thigh not noticing Wonwoo’s body locking up under his touch. 

 

“Right, um, totally.” Wonwoo looks panicked now and Soonyoung loses his patience for this weird mating dance. He gets up and clicks his tongue for Hoshi, swinging his bag over his shoulder. 

 

“Where you going?” Seungkwan frowns, pout deepening as he reaches out to pet Hoshi and the cat scampers away from him jumping to land in Soonyoung’s outstretched arms.

 

“I’m meeting Jeonghan hyung,” Soonyoung says cheerfully. “He’s helping me with my essay.”

 

Seungkwan sighs, settling back down next to Wonwoo. “I wish I had a hot senior to help me with my homework.”

 

Soonyoung grins. “You have Wonwoo don’t you? He’s not a senior, but he’s mildly hot.” And escapes before Wonwoo can hex him. 

  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is thirteen when Jeonghan dyes his hair lilac and it fucks Soonyoung up a little but it fucks up the rest of the school a whole lot more. 

 

Jeonghan had always been popular and during his first year there, Soonyoung had chalked it up to Jeonghan’s stunning looks and charming way with words, but after learning about his background and witnessing, not without a touch of disgust, the numerous desperate confessions Jeonghan received weekly, he had been forced to admit that the half-veela part of Jeonghan had more influence that Soonyoung had initially thought. 

 

Soonyoung eyes widen as Jeonghan peeks through the sliding door compartment. 

“Ah I was wondering where you had gone after abandoning me,” Jeonghan says falling dramatically next to Soonyoung. He surveys the mound of snacks Wonwoo and Seungkwan had amassed for their journey back to school and wrinkles his nose. “A whole summer without seeing each other, and this is what you leave me for?”

 

“Hyung, your hair,” Soonyoung says in a hushed tone, hand automatically coming up, and stopping short. “Can I-?

 

“Go ahead Soonie,” Jeonghan allows, sliding his shoulder length silvery hair out of the ponytail. “What do you think?” 

 

“You’re going to be mobbed once school starts,” Seungkwan says archly, prompting Wonwoo to finally look up from his book, and Jeonghan frowns. 

 

“Too gaudy, do you think?” He asks wryly, and Soonyoung straightens, idigninant on Jeonghan’s behalf. 

 

“I think it’s pretty,” Soonyoung says firmly, unable to stop himself from running his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair. It’s unbelievably soft and silky. He beams when Jeonghan turns to look at him, happy that his frown had disappeared. “I always think you’re pretty no matter what, hyung.” 

 

There’s a beat of silence in the compartment during which both Wonwoo and Seungkwan fix Soonyoung with a blank look, Seungkwan holding a candy wrapper aloft in his hand apparently frozen. Jeonghan just laughs and stands, sliding his hair out of Soonyoung’s unresisting fingers. 

 

“Thank Soonie,” he says fondly, reaching down to run his fingers through Soonyoung’s hair once affectionately. “We’ll talk during dinner okay? Enjoy the ride.” And he floats through the open door. 

 

“Dude,” Seungkwan exhales, dropping the wrapper to his lap. “What was that?” 

 

Soonyoung looks at him blankly. “What was what?” He says, reaching down to unlock Hoshi’s carrier and allowing the cat to jump up into his lap.

 

“You just called Jeonghan pretty,” Seungkwan exclaims. 

 

Soonyoung looks at him weirdly. “And? He is pretty.” 

 

“That doesn’t mean you say it,” Seungkwan says waving his hands around. “Isn’t it embarrassing?”

 

Soonyoung wrinkles his nose. “No,” he says getting slightly irritated now. He’s only telling the truth. “Why would it be embarrassing?”

 

Seungkwan stares at him for a beat and then sighs. “Never mind. You’re just a braver man than I.”

 

Soonyoung snorts and leans over to pluck a box of jelly beans from their candy pile. “I don’t think that’s a hard battle to win, Seungkwan.” 

  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is thirteen and a half when he first witnesses Jeonghan’s powers.

 

The end of the winter Quidditch season is upon them and Slytherin is on a winning streak, if they win their next match, they’ll have a leg up on all the other teams when spring term rolls around. Soonyoung, too riled up to focus on his schoolwork despite Wonwoo’s warnings that he won’t help him cheat with his homework again, spends the week before the match staying after practice to work on his aim and gets caught in one too many unexpected rain showers. 

 

“I don’t think you should play today Soonie,” Jeonghan says at breakfast watching carefully as Soonyoung sniffles his way through four pieces of toast and a bowl of pepper porridge. Jeonghan pushes another cup of tea at Soonyoung, and pushes back his hair trying not to wince at the thin film of sweat already covering his forehead. 

 

“I’m fine, hyung,” Soonyoung says trying to sound upbeat but it fails miserably when he doubles over coughing. “I can’t back out now.” 

 

“Slytherin can do without their beater for one game,” Jeonghan snaps back sharply, his voice at odds with the hand on Sooyoung's back rubbing soothingly. “Anyway, that’s what reserve players are for.”

 

“I want to play,” Soonyoung says sitting upright silently bemoaning the loss of the warmth Jeonghan’s hand had provided. “It’s the last game of the season, hyung.” 

 

Jeonghan sniffs opening his mouth to argue more but Minhyuk yells down the table. “Soonyoung get a move on!”

 

Soonyoung shoots Jeonghan with what he hopes is a reassuring smile and gets up from the table, stumbling a little. “You’re going to come cheer for me, aren’t you hyung?” 

 

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, catching Soonyoung’s arm and steadying him. “Have I ever missed a match of yours?” He shoots back and Soonyoung grins at him, before trotting to Minhyuk, his broom held aloft like a spear. Jeonghan rolls his eyes again and turns back to his breakfast trying to quell the worry in his chest. 

  
  


 

 

_ Jeonghan is fourteen years old, too old to bother counting the months to his next birthday, when he loses control over himself for the first time.  _

 

_ He follows the general crowd milling to the Quidditch pitch, and breaks away when he sees the Slytherin team at the edge of the pitch. Soonyoung is standing away from the group and bent over, coughing. He straightens when he sees Jeonghan, hurriedly wiping his mouth with his sleeve.  _

_ “Hyung!” Soonyoung says brightly though the effect is spoilt by him turning back around to hack out a lung.  _

 

_ Jeonghan lets his worry play across his face, ignoring the murmuring of the rest of the team behind them. He pulls out his wand and places several heating spells across Soonyoung’s neck and chest.  _

 

_ “Isn’t this against some sort of rule, hyung?” Soonyoung croaks, obviously trying not to cough when Jeonghan is inches away from him.  _

 

_ Jeonghan swipes the goggles off his head and silently casts a sealing charm on the front of it, to protect from any rain that might leak in. “You tell me,” he says shortly, unable to stop his hands from sweeping across the front of Soonyoung’s uniform, just to make sure the charms are staying in place. “You’re the Quidditch player here.”  _

 

_ Soonyoung looks up at him. There’s not much of a height difference between them, Jeonghan still, annoyingly enough, hasn’t come into his growth spurt, and Soonyoung is wearing his flying boots which give him an extra inch or two. (When he’d first gotten them, he’d been so thrilled with the extra height, he’d worn them for a week to all his classes until a fond Seungcheol had taken points off for being out of uniform.) (Jeonghan had found it extremely endearing.) “Hyung,” Soonyoung says, quiet enough that Jeonghan has to strain to hear under the roar of the crowd thundering into their seats. “I’ll be okay. It’s just a cold.”  _

 

_ Jeonghan stills, hands stopping on Soonyoung’s shoulders. He considers several things to say,  _ you’re an idiot, it’s clearly not a cold you’re burning up, why are you making me worry about you so,  _ and settles for a smile. “You’re going to do amazing Soonie,” he says instead, hoping its convincing enough, and Soonyoung smiles at him, lighting up at the words. It knocks the breath from Jeonghan’s chest and he doesn’t get it back until he’s in the Slytherin section, shoved between Minghao and a hysterical group of second year girls, holding several poorly enchanted, luridly coloured boards aloft. _

 

_ Jeonghan doesn’t pay much attention to the match, having no interest whatsoever in Quidditch, and instead chooses to spend the time following Soonyoung’s small figure with narrowed eyes. Halfway through the match is where it goes wrong. Soonyoung pulls away from the general pitch and moves a couple meters higher, bending over his broom to cough, the whole broom shaking with the force of his coughing. Jeonghan, watching Soonyoung, doesn’t hear the gasp of the crowd just before both the bludgers slam into Soonyoung at the same time, knocking him off his broom. Jeonghan doesn’t even manage to pull his wand out in time, standing there frozen, heart lodged somewhere in his stomach cavity, before Soonyoung crashes into the ground, unmoving. _

 

 

 __  
__  
Soonyoung blinks open his eyes with much difficulty, each of his eyelids feeling like they weigh a hundred pounds. He feels like he got run over by a truck. Every bone in his body hurts, and his muscles ache. Even moving his fingers is difficult.

 

“Awake are we?” Mark bustles in, pushing the curtain around Soonyoung’s bed aside. “You slept for long enough.” 

 

“I’m in the Hospital Wing?” Soonyoung croaks. “Why?”

 

Mark blinks at him. “Soonyoung, I can’t understand you.” He says, worry creasing his forehead. “You need to speak English.” 

 

“I am speaking English,” Soonyoung replies struggling to sit up, then pauses. He is speaking English isn’t he? Why can’t Mark understand him? He looks at Mark fear starting to rise up in his chest. “Why am I speaking Korean?” He says, clutching the bedsheets.

 

Mark laughs nervously. “Yeah, um- one sec,” he holds up a finger before running into Madame Sooyoung’s office at the end of the wing. 

 

Sooyoung just laughs when she comes out to see Soonyoung, Mark wringing his hands next to her. “It’s nothing unusual,” she assures Soonyoung in Korean, the lilting syllables sounding unbelievably comforting to Soonyoung’s ears. “You fell a long way Mr. Kwon, that’s bound to leave some side effects. Drink this,” she holds out a cup, the liquid bubbling and green and smelling like yesterday’s trash. Soonyoung grimaces at it but takes it obediently. 

 

“I fell?” He asks, choking down the liquid in one swoop and trying not gag at the slimy coating it leaves behind on his tongue. He vaguely remembers leaning over his broom to try and get that hacking cough that’d been rising in his chest all match out of his system, before looking up to see two bludgers come at him. “Oh my god, who won the match? How long was I asleep?”

 

Sooyoung makes a humming noise, waving her wand to change Soonyoung’s bed sheets. “I’m not sure who won the match,” she says, bustling around the other beds, Mark having long disappeared. “But you’ve been asleep for four days.” 

 

Soonyoung chokes. Four days _.  _ He’s been asleep for four  _ days _ ? The door to the Hospital Wing opens and Mark slides back in. 

 

“Do you know who won the match?” Soonyoung calls croakily and feels an overwhelming sense of relief when he hears the words come out in English. 

 

Before Mark can reply the door to the wing bursts open again and Jeonghan comes in, hair disheveled, and eyes furious. 

 

“Hyung-” Soonyoung starts, but Jeonghan cuts him off with a fury. 

 

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, Soonyoung Kwon!” Jeonghan snaps striding forward, hands starting to light up, flickers of flame dancing between his fingers, the first sign of anger in a Veela. Mark makes a choked noise and when Soonyoung chances a look at him, his eyes are wide and glazed as he pulls the curtain around them for a semblance of privacy. “I was so scared when you-, don’t you ever- you’re never allowed on a pitch again- or a broom - I swear to Merlin-”

 

Soonyoung grabs a fistful of Jeonghan’s robes and pulls him into a hug before Jeonghan lights the whole wing on fire, not thinking about the consequences of getting closer to handfuls of fire. “Hyung, I’m okay,” he blurts burying his face in the front of Jeonghan’s robes, suddenly overwhelmed. He could have died falling off that broom and it shakes him more than he’d like to admit. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” He feels Jeonghan tremble, with anger? Fear? Before his hands slide into Soonyoung’s hair, fire thankfully extinguished, cupping his neck, the other smoothing down his back. 

 

“You idiot.” Jeonghan says, his voice shaking a little, clutching him closer. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” 

 

Soonyoung nods, pressing his face further in. “I won’t, “ he promises, hands gripping tight to Jeonghan’s waist. “I promise, hyung.” 

  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is fourteen when he gets jealous for the first time. 

 

He and Wonwoo and Seungkwan are on their way back to the castle, having spent the entire day in Hogsmeade ignoring the mounting pile of homework that lay waiting for them, when Seungkwan stops. 

“I want to go in there someday,” he says wistfully gazing at luridly pink Valentine’s Day window display of the local cafe. It was prime date territory and to enter alone was essentially declaring to Hogwarts, and thus the whole world, that you were single. 

 

Wonwoo shoots a panicked look at Soonyoung who shrugs not willing to tackle a lonely Seungkwan on Valentine’s Day. They both move next to Seungkwan and Soonyoung fails to see the allure in spending any amount of time in a tiny stuffy coffee shop with pink levitating Cupids shooting paper hearts everywhere. That is, until he catches sight of Jeonghan smiling charmingly at the boy across him, and when he leans forward the boy reaches out an tucks a strand of his hair back behind his ear. Something in Soonyoung burns a little at the sight of Jeonghan catching the boy’s hand in his own and playing absentmindedly with his fingers, though he very well knows that nothing Jeonghan does is ever absent minded, and turns away. 

 

“Come on,” Soonyoung says clearing his throat, suddenly feeling too hot despite the fact that it’s starting to snow, soft white cotton flakes coming to rest gently on his face. “We’ve got homework to do.” 

 

The burning in his chest doesn’t subside, not through the walk back to the castle, Seungkwan pulling Wonwoo’s arm so it rests over his shoulders and whining about his lack of potential significant others, not until dinner that night when Jeonghan moves to the Ravenclaw table, where he, Seungkwan and Wonwoo are sat, to eat dinner with Soonyoung. 

 

Soonyoung learns in the coming weeks, when spring is starting to bloom in and around Hogwarts, that the boy Jeonghan is dating is Joshua Hong, a fifth year Hufflepuff who has long been popular around school for his charming smile and for knowing his way around a guitar. He doesn’t see much of Jeonghan, the elder having being taken by the sudden storm of OWLs preparation, and it gives Soonyoung a much needed break to sort out his head. 

 

The thing is, Jeonghan has been around for five years, has seen him nearly every day of his life since he was eleven, had sent long winding letters about their lives during breaks, had more or less been there for every thing little or big. And now, they haven’t held a proper conversation in weeks, just a throwaway greeting when they pass in the hallways, and on one particularly painful occasion, Joshua nudging Jeonghan to wave at Soonyoung from across the library, before they both turn back to their books. Soonyoung tries not to think about how, a couple of months ago, Jeonghan would have shoved in next to him, pushing half of Soonyoung’s books onto a chair while smiling innocently. Maybe Jeonghan has no need for him anymore. It wouldn’t surprise Soonyoung, he’d more or less been waiting for the other shoe to drop forever. Why would someone as amazing and confident as Jeonghan stick around Soonyoung? Soonyoung is loud, he’s brash and most of all, to the point that he even astounds himself sometimes, he’s really slow on the uptake. 

 

“I think I may like Jeonghan hyung,” Soonyoung confesses quietly to Wonwoo one Sunday afternoon, the sun streaming through the window. It’s been building up in him, to the point his chest has started hurting whenever he thinks about Jeonghan and he needs to tell  _ someone _ or he’s going to go insane from how much his mind has started wandering to the specific curve of Jeonghan’s cheekbones, or the way the his hair gleams in the sunlight. They’re in Wonwoo’s dormitory, the curtains drawn around the bed and Wonwoo is laying half on Soonyoung’s body, half on the bed, a book propped up against Soonyoung’s collarbones. 

 

Wonwoo makes a noncommittal noise. “Took you long enough,” he says flicking to the next page lazily. 

 

Soonyoung makes a horrified noise but doesn’t move from his position. Wonwoo would kill him if he lost his page. “You mean you knew?” He asks, slamming his head back down and staring at the canopy. “And you didn’t tell me?” He could have been spared so much heartache if someone had just come up to him and told him  _ ‘Hey Soonyoung, you’re a little in love with Jeonghan okay?’ _ Soonyoung freezes. Love? He isn’t in  _ love _ with Jeonghan is he? He doesn’t even know what love is. The closest he thinks he’s ever gotten to love is wandering down on Christmas Day in third year, unable to go home that winter, and seeing  _ tteokguk _ at his table, a weird happiness spreading through his chest. Though that might have just been from the tears that had sprung up when he’d seen the crackling  _ bulgogi  _ right next the soup. 

 

Wonwoo snorts. “I think the whole school knew by the end of our first year that you had the biggest puppy crush on Jeonghan. And what do you mean tell you?” He continues ignoring Soonyoung’s whines. “Would you have listened?”

Puppy crush, Soonyoung thinks, is certainly not what he’s feeling now. He rubs a hand across his chest to try and soothe the burning feeling but only succeeds in knocking Wonwoo’s book off him. Wonwoo makes an annoyed noise as he loses his page but tosses the book aside, instead resting his pointy chin on Soonyoung’s hand. 

 

“Do you think Jeonghan hyung knows?” Soonyoung asks picking his head up a little to glance at Wonwoo. Wonwoo shrugs as well as he can, eyes slightly closed, his hair ruffled, and Sooyoung gives into the temptation to run his fingers through it. Wonwoo hums, pleased, tilting his head into Soonyoung’s touch.  

 

“It’s Jeonghan,” he says, making himself comfortable on top of Soonyoung, clearly ready for a nap. “What do you think?” 

Soonyoung tips his head back to stare contemplatively at the ceiling. It is Jeonghan hyung, and that means he’d have picked up on it from the first year, and Soonyoung doubts he’s gotten better at hiding his feelings over the years, despite he himself not knowing what they meant. Sooyoung picks his head up just to slam it back down against the pillow hoping to knock some sense into himself. Shit. 

  
  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is fourteen, at the end of his fourth year at Hogwarts when he realises he hasn’t talked to Jeonghan in weeks. 

 

It kind of hits him like punch in the chest and he stops dead in the middle of the hallway staring at nothing. The end of term is days away, he’d already finished packing most of his stuff not willing to repeat last year when he and Wonwoo had nearly missed the train by procrastinating, and he hasn’t spoken to Jeonghan since February. Someone bumps into him, jostling him out of his thoughts and he realises he’s about to be late to Potions again and takes off, determined to find Jeonghan before the end of the week and set things straight. 

 

It’s been ages since he’s seen Jeonghan and Soonyoung has no idea where the hell he is. He’s not in his dormitory, not in any of the hideouts he usually frequents, nor in the owlery where he liked to spend time feeding the birds. Soonyoung sighs as he winds back to the Great Hall and resigns himself to trying to catch Jeonghan on the train back to London.

 

On a bored whim he opens a door to a classroom and to his shock sees Jeonghan and Joshua kissing by a windowsill. Joshua is pressed up against the wall and laughing gently into the kiss but when the door opens,he jerks away surprised. 

 

“Soonyoung,” Jeonghan says in confusion turning, lips faintly red, and strangely that is the thing to snap Soonyoung out of his daze.  _ Soonyoung,  _ not Soonie _. _

 

Soonyoung laughs nervously. “Sorry hyung,” he blurts wincing when it comes out in Korean instead. “Sorry, I- didn’t mean to interrupt,” he repeats in English, stuttering through the suddenly heavy syllables and hurries to close the door, heart pounding. 

 

“Soonie-” Jeonghan calls, but Soonyoung slams the door shut and rapidly turns the corner to hide in a broom closet, sinking down on his heels and stares furiously up at the cobwebbed ceiling, suddenly fighting back the urge to cry. 

  
  


 

 

 

Soonyoung is fifteen when he enters Hogwarts for the first time without Jeonghan beside him. 

 

It had been a summer of silence, Soonyoung too embarrassed to write Jeonghan and the embarrassment had only percolated into hurt as the months passed by with no word from the other. He had arrived as late as he could into London to slip onto the train into one of the last compartments, terrifying a couple of first years as he stared moodily out the window the entire ride, alone save for Hoshi on his lap, staring down the first years with unblinking green eyes. 

 

Seungkwan and Wonwoo catch up to him anyway, as he’s about to get on the carriages to the castle.

 

“Hello mopey,” Seungkwan says pressing a sticky kiss to Soonyoung’s cheek. Wonwoo offers him a placidly comforting smile and a chocolate frog which Soonyoung waves away, too eager for the dinner awaiting him. 

 

“You don’t get to say that to me all of a sudden,” Soonyoung shoots back irritably, nudging Hoshi into his carrier for the ride up to the castle. “Just because you acquired a boyfriend over the summer doesn’t excuse the years of moaning I had to put up with.” 

 

Seungkwan sticks his tongue out at him. “Let me have my moment,” he sniffs, settling into his seat. “What do you think all that moaning was for?” He shoots a nasty look at Wonwoo, whose head is bent over another book. “Wonwoo was clueless.”

 

Wonwoo makes a noise of protest, looking up, but Soonyoung interrupts, not ready for another round of their bickering. Seungkwan wasn’t the one who’d had to endure hours of moaning on Wonwoo’s part about how pretty and  _ witty _ Seungkwan was and how he’d never ever go for someone as boring as Wonwoo. 

 

"We’re here,” he sighs in relief, throwing open the door and poking his head out and then immediately flings himself back into the carriage’s depths as he hears Jeonghan’s voice come from the next carriage. 

 

Seungkwan stares pityingly at him as he gets out instead. “You can’t hide from him forever you know,” he says, voice strongly reminding Soonyoung of the days he’d spent last term hiding out in the Ravenclaw dormitory, rather than risk returning to the Slytherin dorms and running into Jeonghan. “I’m not putting up with a whole year of you squeezing into my bed.”

 

Wonwoo smiles encouragingly at him, and nudges Soonyoung out in front of him, arm coming to wrap reassuringly around Soonyoung’s shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he says lightly. “I’m sure our coursework this year will kill you before you get a chance to.”

 

All in all, it’s one of the more encouraging thoughts Soonyoung’s heard over the couple months. 

 

 

 

 

_ Jeonghan is sixteen the first time he feels bad breaking someone’s heart. Well, that’s a slight over exaggeration. Joshua, for all his charms and sweet words, had definitely not been in love with Jeonghan. (As he’d told Jeonghan countless times that he was only in it for the more than adequate making out skills Jeonghan possessed.) And Jeonghan had never seen the countless maddened confessions he’d received over the years as love. It was pure infatuation, through and through, a fundamentally irritating byproduct of his genes.  _

 

_ “You don’t have to explain,” Joshua says, smiling at him, eyes crinkling sweetly as he picks up his coffee and sips it. They’re in a Muggle cafe in London, one of Jeonghan’s favourites, and a band has taken the stage, crooning about lost loves. They’re quite good, Jeonghan muses to himself. Soonyoung would enjoy them.  _

 

_ “Don’t I?” He asks instead, brushing his hair back again, annoyed as it comes loose from behind his ear for the thousandth time that afternoon. “I feel like I owe you an explanation.” _

_ Joshua laughs, leaning forward to tuck Jeonghan’s hair back, easily getting pinning it in place. “Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear you say.” He says, sitting back. “Don’t worry Hannie,” he continues, smirking and Jeonghan is suddenly reminded why even after all these years, he still considers Joshua one of his best friends. “We’ve known each other for too long for something like this to bother me. It was fun while it lasted, though.”  _

 

_ Later, Jeonghan waves Joshua off on the train, waiting for it to round the corner before turning back around and marching back into London, slipping into Diagon Alley. He follows the route by memory and smiles when he arrives at the salon, already pulling his hair from it’s ponytail.  _

  
  


 

 

Soonyoung, despite his best efforts, gets forcefully pushed to sit at the Slytherin table for the welcome feast by a glowering Minghao. 

“Why?” Soonyoung hisses desperately at him, rubbing the aching bruise where Minghao had dug his pointy elbows into Soonyoung’s fragile, squishy body. 

 

“Stop being a coward,” Minghao says irritably, pushing an empty plate at Soonyoung and Soonyoung is suddenly distracted by the food that appears on the table. “It’s getting annoying.”

 

“Wh- does the whole school know about this or something?” Soonyoung asks incredulously, cheeks flaring red. 

 

Minghao shrugs, handing him a basket of rolls. “Please, you’re hardly that important,” he scoffs. “But the gossip mill works hard here, you know that.” 

 

Soonyoung stares down at his plate, consisting of one solitary, buttered roll, and considers sinking through the floor right then and there. He knows how rumours spread at Hogwarts, knows how one mildly inflammatory piece of news whispered at eight o’clock in the morning in the Hufflepuff girls bathroom can spread down to half the school by lunch time, and Soonyoung, for all his posturing, hates being in the spotlight. He chances a look down the table and his knife scrapes loudly against his plate as he chokes on nothing. 

 

Jeonghan’s long lilac hair is gone, cut short and blonde and he looks ten times hotter than before. Soonyoung immediately ducks behind Minghao’s thin frame in a feeble attempt to hide as half the Slytherin table turns in direction. 

 

“Oh my god,” Soonyoung whispers half-horrified, feeling the weight of the stares. “Oh my god, kill me.”

 

“Unfortunately,” Minghao says dryly, scooting out of the way, so Soonyoung is left cowering in the open. “Minhyuk specifically forbade me from killing off anymore of his team.”

 

Soonyoung tries not to whimper, embarrassment flushing through him, and glances up through his fringe to see Jeonghan staring straight at him, chin on his hand, a contemplative look on his face. He’s even wearing glasses, Soonyoung realises and wrinkles his nose. Of course Jeonghan would wear something as useless as fake glasses and still manage to look so good. 

 

“I’m going to go,” Soonyoung mutters, grabbing his roll and darting out of the Great Hall before Minghao can say anything else. He doesn’t head back to the Slytherin dormitory, not wanting to deal with the inevitable ribbing from his classmates. Instead, Soonyoung moodily stuffs the roll in his mouth, ignoring the grumbling of his stomach and swings around a corner heading to the Quidditch pitch. 

  
  


He unlocks the door to the locker rooms with a wave of his wand and within minutes is kicking off on a school broom, his own still back in the school along with his trunk, the wind a cooling effect on his flushed face. He doesn’t go very high, choosing to stay close to the tree line and lazily floats over the Forbidden Forest, tipping his head to look at the bright moon fading in and out of the clouds, before turning and heading back to the school. Soonyoung finds himself tracing flying drills over the pitch when a flash of gold catches his eye by the training grounds. When he dips closer, his heart stutters when he recognises the familiar figure of Jeonghan sitting on the lowest level of the stands, face tipped up to watch Soonyoung.

 

“You always come here,” Jeonghan calls as Soonyoung drops down next to him, voice carrying easily in the silent night, “whenever I want to find you, I know I’ll find you on a broom.” 

 

Soonyoung gets off his broom silently, sitting down next Jeonghan, legs suddenly shaky. It must be from flying, he never gets the chance to do so in Korea, too afraid of being caught by Muggles. “I like your hair hyung,” Soonyoung replies, grateful when his voice doesn’t tremble. 

 

“Thanks,” Jeonghan idly touches a strand. “I wanted a change over the summer.”

 

Soonyoung nods but doesn’t say anything, choosing to focus on the fluttering blades of grass in the light wind. He doesn't know what to say. It’s as if, all of a sudden, the easiness he’d had with Jeonghan has dried up leaving only a tense silence behind. 

 

“Do you know,” Jeonghan begins and when Soonyoung glances over at him, he’s looking up at the moon, glasses glinting in the light, “that this is the longest we’ve ever gone without talking since we first met?” He doesn’t wait for a response from Soonyoung, just goes on. “It drove me crazy. Every day, I thought of you:  _ ‘Ah Soonie would like this band’ _ ,  _ ‘I should tell Soonie about this batty lady I saw in London’  _ , ‘ _ I wonder what Soonie’s doing on his birthday, I should wish him. _ ’ And every day I was reminded that we weren’t talking anymore, and I didn’t even know  _ why. _ ” 

 

Out of some bravery Soonyoung blurts, “Why didn’t you write then?”

 

Jeonghan turns to him, and Soonyoung’s breath catches. Jeonghan is always beautiful to him, but right now, half bathed in moonlight, golden hair falling into his eyes, he’s something else entirely. “You avoided me,” he points out sounding hurt for the first time. “I searched for you everywhere last term, and I couldn’t find you at all.” Jeonghan lets out a small laugh though there’s nothing funny in it. “I taught you all the secrets of Hogwarts and you went and used it against me.” 

 

Soonyoung deflates. Every fight, every attack he’d prepared himself for demolished under the sound of Jeonghan’s small voice. “I..” Soonyoung starts and doesn’t know where to go from there. “I just.. needed some time hyung,” he glances sideways before tipping his head back to the ground. “It was a very weird summer for me too, not talking to you. I’m sorry about that.” 

“Why though?” Jeonghan presses and catches Soonyoung’s chin in his hand tilting it to face him. Soonyoung’s eyes widen, and tries to remember how to breathe. His skin burns where Jeonghan’s fingers touch, his eyes strangely earnest. “Why did you avoid me? Was it because you saw me kissing Shua? Were you uncomfortable with two boys kissing?”

 

“No, no, nothing like that,” Soonyoung shakes his head dislodging Jeonghan’s fingers, and instantly regrets it. “Hyung,” he catches Jeonghan’s hand instead. “I  _ swear _ , it wasn’t about that.”

 

“Then what?” Jeonghan asks, hand wrapping back around Soonyoung’s, thumb smoothing over Soonyoung’s knuckles. 

 

Soonyoung stares at him. “I- can’t tell you,” he falters, all the bravery he’s managed to muster up wafting away under Jeonghan’s gaze. “You’ll- you won’t- I don’t want to make you uncomfortable around me.” 

 

Jeonghan frowns. “I would never Soonie,” he says. “I’ve known you for years, nothing you say could make me uncomfortable.” 

 

And Soonyoung doesn’t know why he says it. He’d told himself over and over again throughout the lonely months in Namyangju with no one but Hoshi to keep him company, that he’d never admit his feelings to Jeonghan. It was too much to risk, too many amazing years of friendship, of knowing that if Soonyoung fell, Jeonghan would be there to catch him, or at the very least show up in the hospital ready to burn the whole place down. 

 

“I like you,” he says and the world stops. Jeonghan stares at him, wide eyed, a rare display of genuine surprise running across his face. The silence is deafening, somehow even the crickets have fallen quiet, and Soonyoung caves under Jeonghan’s unwavering stare. “Sorry,” he says stumbling up from the bench, nearly tripping over his broom. “I shouldn’t have said anything, you can totally forget this hyung, it doesn’t matter -”

 

Jeonghan catches his wrist before he can turn away. “Soonie,” Jeonghan says and trails off and Soonyoung might laugh at finally having made Jeonghan speechless were it not for the circumstances. Jeonghan opens his mouth, closes it and opens it again clearly lost. “I don’t-” he starts, then falters. “I don’t feel that way about you, I’m sorry.” He looks at Soonyoung, eyes shining and Soonyoung feels something slam down heavy in his chest. 

 

He gently tugs his wrist away from Jeonghan’s grasp. “That’s okay, hyung.” He says, feeling remarkably calm, despite having just been rejected by the possible first love of his life. “Don’t worry about it, I get it.” He picks up his broom and smiles at Jeonghan, who’s still staring at him. “I’m going to put the broom back before it gets too dark, we’ll talk later okay?”

 

And Soonyoung walks away from Jeonghan, maybe for the first time in his life, and feels whatever small flower of hope that had bloomed over the summer wilt away as around him, the world starts up again. 

  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is fifteen and a half when he goes through and gets over his first heartbreak. 

 

He doesn’t mope, or well he does, but not for long. It’s fifth year, the OWLs are already hanging over all their heads like a particularly menacing thunderstorm, and Soonyoung allows himself a week of wallowing. One week of curling up with Hoshi trying to ignore the constant panging in his heart with Seungkwan and Wonwoo’s voices washing over him comfortingly, before he brushes himself off and turns to the already large pile of homework that’s managed to accumulate. 

 

That doesn’t mean he’s talking to Jeonghan. He hasn’t seen the other in weeks, has spent a lot of energy ducking behind pillars when he hears the distinctive lilt of Jeonghan’s laugh, or the flash of his stupidly attractive blonde hair, in an effort to stop his heart from doing the weird things it’s doing. Soonyoung’s not a bitter person by nature, doesn’t much like to spend time thinking about things that have already passed, but he can’t face Jeonghan right now. 

 

It’s a somewhat depressing realisation that without Jeonghan, Soonyoung doesn’t have much to do. The last four years they’d spent more than a couple evenings a week together, Soonyoung shoving into Jeonghan’s study sessions with his friends, or Jeonghan taking him around the school showing Soonyoung the secrets the castle held. Now, Soonyoung spends a lot of time alone, Seungkwan and Wonwoo off doing their boyfriendy things, which he’d very much not like to intrude on regardless. It gives him a lot of time to figure things out for himself, figure out how to be a Soonyoung that doesn’t trail after Jeonghan with obvious starry eyes. 

 

Soonyoung likes the person he’s becoming though. It wasn’t as if Jeonghan had done anything but encourage him, but without his steadying presence Soonyoung feels himself grow self assured, feels more confident in his own skin. It’s a headying feeling. 

  
  
  


 

 

_ Jeonghan is sixteen and a half when he realises he’s fallen for someone for the first time.  _

 

_ After that disastrous night on the pitch, Jeonghan starts spending a lot of time in the Gryffindor common room and as insufferable as he finds the whole house, it provides a safe space. He’s curled up on an stuffy armchair resting his chin on one of the arms, staring broodingly at the fire, mind continuously replaying the look on Soonyoung’s face when he’d confessed. His chest twinges and Jeonghan scowls down at it.  _

 

_ Seungcheol lets out a sigh and slams his book shut. “I swear to Merlin if you don’t stop moping I’m going to kick you so hard, you’re going to fly into next week.”  _

 

_ Jeonghan stares at him, surprised. “Are you talking to me?” He asks, sitting upwards.  _

 

_ “Who else would I be talking about?” Seungcheol demands. “Joshua?” _

 

_ The boy in question just smiles pleasantly at the two of them, sitting back against the couch with his guitar, clearly ready to enjoy the show. Not for the thousandth time, Jeonghan wonders why Joshua hadn’t been placed in Slytherin.  _

 

_ “I’m not moping,” Jeonghan says defiantly.  _

 

_ “That’s  _ all _ you’ve done,” Seungcheol shoots back. “I don’t why you act like you’ve any right to be sad when you’re the one who rejected the poor kid. Especially when we all know you’ve been head over heels for him since day one.” _

 

_ Jeonghan gapes at him, knowing how unattractive he looks in that moment and not caring. “I didn’t-  I have not - that’s none of your business!” He splutters and hates the smug smirk that Seungcheol wears at having caught Jeonghan off guard.  _

 

_ “You have,” Joshua chimes in from the other side ignoring the nasty look Jeonghan shoots him.  _

 

_ “Just tell him,” Seungcheol says exasperatedly. “I don’t why you even lied in the first place.” _

 

_ Well, neither does Jeonghan. Jeonghan knows his place in the world, knows the role that his face and his genetics play when it comes to any chance he might have at love. He’d been told over and over again by his mother and aunt that anyone looking to get close to him were just there because of the Veela magic inside him, nothing more. Seungcheol and Joshua, who’d been with him since the beginning had been the only exceptions he’d allowed himself to make, until Soonyoung. Soonyoung who’d looked up at him with wide teary eyes, who’d brightened, a wide grin spreading across his face when Jeonghan had clumsily introduced himself in Korean. Who’d followed Jeonghan’s word like gospel, all the while tripping over the most ludicrous questions, cheekily teasing Jeonghan when he forgot a word in Korean. Who hadn’t known Jeonghan’s history and even after knowing, hadn’t cared, or treated him any differently.  _

 

_ Jeonghan had made a vow to himself all the way back in his second year, when Soonyoung had run up to him after his first exam, parchment clutched tightly in his hand brandishing the grade in Jeonghan’s face and smiling like he’d swallowed the sun, babbling at a hundred words per minute in Korean, slurring the syllabes to fast for Jeonghan to keep up, but at the end, Soonyoung had flung his arms tightly around Jeonghan, thanking him over and over again for what he’d done. He’d sworn that he’d never hurt Soonyoung, would never be the cause of seeing the light in his eyes go out. And then he’d gone ahead and broken it a mere four years later. _

 

_ “I didn’t want to disappoint him,” Jeonghan says finally, looking down at his hands. “I mean,” he huffs out a short laugh and then shrugs not knowing where to go from there. He knows Soonyoung, knows how highly he must have thought of Jeonghan, and he didn’t want to tarnish that with whatever Soonyoung might see after they started dating.  _

 

_ “That’s bullshit,” Seungcheol says bluntly. “As if anyone could be disappointed by you. You’re amazing.” _

 

_ Jeonghan snorts. “Right,” he says deprecatingly.  _

 

_ Seungcheol grimaces at him. “Please,” he says, throwing Joshua a desperate look. “I’m not used to you having no self-confidence. Just please accept you’re amazing and all that, and please go put that kid out of his misery.” _

 

_ Soonyoung certainly hadn’t seemed to be miserable. Jeonghan had caught a glimpse of him walking out of class the other day, throwing his head back in laughter, eyes shining.  _

 

_ Joshua shrugs. “Do what you think is best Hannie,” is all he offers up, shooting Jeonghan a sweet smile before adding, “but do it soon, or I won’t stop Cheol from enacting the various acts of violence I’m sure he has planned.”  _

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is fifteen and a half when it happens. 

 

Jeonghan is waiting when he gets out of his History of Magic class, one he shares with Hufflepuffs so there’s no Seungkwan or Wonwoo to bustle him away, only a bored Minghao and a sympathetic Mingyu Kim who raises a fist at him in encouragement before disappearing hurriedly down the hallway to follow Minghao. 

 

“Soonie,” Jeonghan exhales as Soonyoung approaches him. “Can we talk?”

 

Soonyoung bites lip considering his options. He could turn around and run away, leading to more embarrassment in front of Jeonghan or he could stand here and listen to Jeonghan reject him again which would definitely lead to Soonyoung moping for another week. Soonyoung chooses option one. But before he even manages to turn however Jeonghan catches his wrist and pulls him back. 

 

“Please Soonie,” Jeonghan begs and Soonyoung stutters to a stop less than a foot away from Jeonghan, freezing when he hears Jeonghan’s tone. Jeonghan never begs. And Soonyoung’s always been weak for the other anyway. He allows Jeonghan to tug him over to the stone benches lining the wall and sinks down on it, dreading what’s about to come. 

 

“Hyung,” he blurts out hurriedly wanting to stave off whatever’s coming, and it’s been so long since Soonyoung had let that word slip out of his mouth, his heart hurts a little. “Hyung,” he tries again, “you don’t have to do this. I totally understand, and I’m sorry for ever bothering you in the first -”

 

“I like you too,” Jeonghan interrupts. 

 

The world freezes again. Soonyoung stares at Jeonghan’s face, lips squished together, a frown marring his forehead, looking straight into Soonyoung’s eyes. He never was a coward, Soonyoung thinks distantly, remembering how he could barely look Jeonghan in the eyes that night. That night. 

 

“Wh- what?” Soonyoung chokes out disbelieving. “You  _ what _ ?” 

 

Jeonghan sighs. “I like you Soonie, a lot.”

 

Something in Soonyoung breaks a little. He knew Jeonghan was too nice to him, too kind to ever reject Soonyoung in the way he had any other confession, but this was too cruel. “You don’t have to lie,” Soonyoung whispers shakily. “I know you don’t hyung, it was a silly thing to tell you anyway.” 

 

“I’m not lying,” Jeonghan says still staring at him. “I was a coward. I was too scared to tell you then because I thought - I thought you’d be disappointed in me after a while. That I couldn’t live up to your expectations.”

 

Soonyoung just sits there not entirely grasping what’s happening right now. Jeonghan likes him. Jeonghan likes  _ him _ ? Jeonghan is incredible and beautiful and entirely too good for Soonyoung and he likes him? This is what Soonyoung means to ask, but what comes out is a choked: “That’s so stupid.” 

 

Jeonghan looks taken aback. “What?” 

 

“That’s so stupid!” Soonyoung exclaims standing up from the bench. It’s all coming together is his head and he’s not sad anymore, he’s mad. “What expectations? Why would I be disappointed in you? I’ve known you since I was eleven years old! I’ve seen you slip snakes into Seungcheol’s pants because you were mad at him for eating your dessert. I’ve seen you turn half the Gryffindor Quidditch team’s hair blue just because you were annoyed at the way they walked! I’ve seen all the worst and best sides of you!” 

 

“Eleven and a half years old,” Jeonghan murmurs and Soonyoung flings around to point accusingly at him. 

 

“See!” He half yells. “That! That is what I’m talking about! You know everything about me, so how could you ever think I’d be disappointed in you hyung?” He walks closer to Jeonghan and stops, biting his lips. “When you’re the person I’ve loved for half my life?”

 

“You really mean that?” Jeonghan asks and Soonyoung rolls his eyes snorting. 

 

“Stop it hyung,” he says, sitting down and in some mad fit of bravery, grabbing Jeonghan’s hands in his, pulling him close. “I’m not used to seeing you so unconfident.” 

 

Jeonghan stares at him with parted lips. “Oh my god,” he whispers, “I really love you.” And he pulls Soonyoung into a kiss. 

 

Soonyoung gasps against Jeonghan’s lips, hands floundering for a second before clutching to the front of Jeonghan’s robes tightly, anchoring himself. “Hyung,” he sighs delicately and Jeonghan’s lips curve into a small grin before tilting his head and nudging Soonyoung closer to him, hand coming up to thumb at his jaw. 

 

The world starts again, spinning around and around and Soonyoung hangs on as tight as he can, determined not to let go. 

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

Soonyoung is seventeen and a half years old when he knows Jeonghan is it for him. 

 

They’re in Jeonghan’s family home for the summer, Soonyoung having pleaded and shamelessly whined to his parents until they had relented, letting him spend an entire month in London. Jeonghan’s family lived smack in the center of London, in an old townhouse apartment of which the top three floors they had taken over. 

 

(“Mother always wanted to live among Muggles,” Jeonghan had said airily, when he’d picked Soonyoung up from the train station, Soonyoung still being too irrationally afraid of the Floo Network.)

 

Soonyoung is only about half awake right now, scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Jeonghan’s parents had left for a business trip, casting warning looks at their son before they’d left, and this means that Soonyoung is in charge of breakfast because goodness knows Jeonghan won’t be getting up anytime soon. He scrunches up his nose at his reflection and debates trying to tame his hair, half heartedly moving a couple of strands around before giving up and letting it stick straight up on his head. 

 

He wanders into Jeonghan’s room and pushes open the curtains to watch Jeonghan groan and turn around, batting a hand blindly at the sun. “Why?” He moans as Soonyoung wriggles in next to him, sticking his cold toes in between Jeonghan calves. Jeonghan squeaks irritably and tries to pull away. 

 

“Time to get up,” Soonyoung sings, and doesn’t bother hiding his smile as Jeonghan pushes his face into the crook of Soonyoung’s neck, mumbling something about how the sun can go fuck itself. “That’s not very nice language this early in the morning.” 

 

“And to you too,” Jeonghan grumbles nonsensically, wrapping an arm around Soonyoung’s waist and pulling him closer. 

 

Soonyoung lies there not in any real hurry to wake Jeonghan up. It’s not as if they have a particularly pressing schedule today, and Jeonghan half-asleep is always a treat for Soonyoung. He gets all clingy and lets Soonyoung stroke his hair. 

 

It’s only after nearly twenty minutes have passed that Jeonghan stirs again, finally tipping his face up to Soonyoung’s and squinting his eyes open. 

 

“Morning,” Soonyoung says affectionately, fingers still carding through Jeonghan’s now black hair. When he’d changed it, Soonyoung had lamented for a week about the loss before Jeonghan had forced him to stop by kissing him every time Soonyoung opened his mouth. (Soonyoung had carried on for a few more days if only because the ‘punishment’ was far too nice). 

 

“Mmph,” Jeonghan says back, and Soonyoung can’t hold back a laugh. 

 

“How are you going to survive in the workforce,” he teases, “when you can’t even wake up before 11 on a Tuesday?” 

 

Jeonghan rubs his eyes open. “Guess I’ll have to have someone to wake me up everyday then,” he says and pulls Soonyoung closer, pouting horrifically. “Do you have to go back to school? Can’t you just stay with me here? How important are your NEWT’s anyway?” 

 

Soonyoung grimaces in disgust. “Put that away,” he says flapping his hand at Jeonghan. Jeonghan just catches it and pins it to the bed, swinging over to straddle Soonyoung’s waist with surprising dexterity considering yesterday Soonyoung had had to put up with an entire afternoon’s worth of complaining about being out of bed to early and how terrible that was for Jeonghan’s back. 

 

“Make me,” Jeonghan says grinning evilly and leans down. Soonyoung laughs and tugs Jeonghan closer for a kiss, hand weaving through his hair. Jeonghan makes a happy noise and slumps against Soonyoung’s chest, giggling when Soonyoung lets out a groan, and kisses him deeper, licking into his mouth. Soonyoung’s heart fills to the brim, fit to burst and he smiles against Jeonghan’s mouth, moving down his jaw to press kisses into his skin, little starbursts of  _ i love you _ imprinting there forever.

 

Outside, the world goes on. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! Let me what you thought!
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyxnjins)
> 
>  
> 
> and also lovely fanart [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547218)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for an age to remember](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547218) by [svtbigbang_mod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/svtbigbang_mod/pseuds/svtbigbang_mod)




End file.
